River-Joni Mitchell/Another Auld Lang Syne-Dan Folgerberg

...this song was front and center in my head tonight...so much so, that i pretty much sang it non-stop...i wish i had a river, i could skate away on...

...though not a typical Christmas song, it always gets more play during the holidays...i see it more as a companion piece to "Another Auld Lang Syne" by Dan Folgerberg...the holidays don't just conjure up memories and longings for cider, turkey, family and snow...it also brings up memories of loved ones past, defeats, rifts and lonely times...the holidays usher in a time of high suicide rates and bitterness...

...i think that's why Halloween is a preamble for the official "Holidays"...it reminds us to don our masks as gay apparel...this song and Dan's "Another..." reminds me that sometimes you can't hide and sometimes that's good...but still i wish i had a river i could skate away on...

Oh Yoko-John Lennon

...tomorrow I am planning to record a song, "11th Hour Love Song" which I wrote about a sort of last ditch effort to woo a suitor...but not just to get laid or satisfy a need...in this song I am imploring the recipient to "love it while it's still around..."

...during a text conversation with a friend tonight, we discussed John Lennon..."Gimme Some Truth" and "Oh Yoko" are my favorite songs by John Lennon...after texting that line, I was reminded of the purity of "Oh Yoko"...many people take Yoko to the mat in regards to The Beatles breaking up...I say it could be...Yoko could have been a catalyst...but John loved her...

...and that got me thinking about the song I want to record tomorrow...yes, it is a love song...tragic as it may be...but it doesn't speak to the kind of love song I would love to write...writers write what they know...so John wrote about his muse, Yoko...in "11th Hour Love Song", I wrote what I knew...that this relationship isn't going to make it, but I will make one last plea...I hope to one day write of the purity of love and not of the bitter almost-end...

...my love will turn you on...classic and poetic and it really does say it all...oh Yoko, you were blessed...

Love Is-Alanah Myles

...heaven to the lonely...i know loneliness and being blue have been a sort of theme on these pages...writers write what they know...and i know from lonely and blue...sure, there are funny happenings at work and conversations with friends and things that bring me to the highest heights...but the lonely blue outweighs the sky blue in terms of what makes me want to put pen to paper...

...this year has been an exercise in alone...we all love to get laid, go out on dates, admit that office crush...but the end result is what we all really need...love...been denied, been close, been fooled, been over it, been crushed beneath it...

...maybe it's because it's fall and it's cold outside and that makes me want someone to snuggle up with...maybe it's less romantic and more instinctual...a bone deep need to have a partner...maybe it's because the world tells me one, alone is no good...

...hopefully tomorrow will bring that sky blue that begs to be written about....for now, love is...heaven to the lonely...

Dead Flowers-Miranda Lambert

...swore i would wait until the words came...and Miranda's lovely words did come to me...I see so many past relationships dripping through this song...years of being useful instead of needed...months of highs while dancing dangerously close to the lows...too long spent being bitter when they didn't even know there was reason to be bitter...least of all that it was them who turned me inside out...when i finally say the words out loud it's too late and too much time with dirty water under a bridge i am burning in effigy...

...while i flirt with the idea of love and am in constant pursuit like a vulture in wait...this song reminds me of self-preservation that will keep me from drowning in someone else's wake ever again..."i guess we'll just go to waste"...you got me, Miranda. Bravo!!

Ray Of Light-Madonna/Sex Pistols

...ok so this is sort of bastardization no matter which artist you are a fan of...but this song really fit my mood...i feel like i just got home...all half-cocked and fueled up...wish i could transfer this energy to a positive project...cleaning, writing music, chores...but i sit and watch tv and try and decide what "have to" to put off first...

One Of Us-Prince

...what would you ask if you had just one question?...when Joan Osborne's version of this song was all over American radio I just hated the song...the words came out of her mouth with such disdain it made me uncomfortable...i have been often cynical with regard to Christianity but never with the idea of Spirituality...I was taught from the beginning to believe that there was more to this life than just what we can see...Years later when I heard Prince's version I was fully ready to receive this message...

...Prince captured a whole different level to this song...whereas Joan was bored with the idea by the end of the song...She tended to sound as if she didn't believe in God in the first place so the question was mute...Prince seems to be full-on emotionally exploring the idea of God being one us...then it hit me...

...there is a humanistic side to this song and that's what Prince stumbled upon whereas Joan just danced around it's philosophy...much like in Edie Brickell's What I Am in 1988, we are all expressions and faces of God...as we do our worst while wearing our best we are showing the true face of God...So God is just a stranger on a bus, tryin' to make his way home...whatsoever you do to the least of these, you do unto me...

If God had a name, what would it beAnd would you call it to his faceIf you were faced with him in all his gloryWhat would you ask if you had just one questionYeah, yeah, God is greatYeah, yeah, God is goodYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahWhat if God was one of usJust a slob like one of usJust a stranger on the busTrying to make his way homeIf God had a face, what would it look likeAnd would you want to seeIf seeing meant that you would have to believeIn things like heaven and in jesus and the saintsAnd all the prophets and...Yeah, yeah, God is greatYeah, yeah, God is goodYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahWhat if God was one of usJust a slob like one of usJust a stranger on the busTrying to make his way homeTryin to make his way homeBack up to heaven all aloneNobody callin on the phonecept for the pope maybe in romeYeah, yeah, God is greatYeah, yeah, God is goodYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahWhat if God was one of usJust a slob like one of usJust a stranger on the busTrying to make his way homeJust tryin to make his way homeLike a holy rolling stoneBack up to heaven all aloneJust tryin to make his way homeNobody callin on the phonecept for the pope maybe in rome

Proud-Heather Small

...this song says it all...my life has taken so many splintered paths...all leading me to where i am today...you can't go back and un-know something and i would never ask you to...i know what i know...and we do not see eye to eye, but as heather says...to question is to grow...

...what have you done today to make you feel proud...celebrate it...we can and should be proud for each other...though your path may be different than mine...if you are happy than i am proud of you...there is so much misery and suffering in the world today just knowing that you are getting your own happy brings me joy...

...i will not live in fear for the future and will not concern myself with what others think of me...visited that place...was reminded why i left in the first place...i step out of the ordinary...

When Answers Don't Come Easy-Sam Phillips

...in 1988 Sam released her masterpiece "The Turning"...fans of other late-eighties folk singers such as Suzanne Vega, Tracy Chapman, Edie Brickel, etc should do yourselves a favor and check out Sam Phillips music on itunes...She went on to record some amazing music in the 90's and 2000's...she provided music for t.v.'s Gilmore Girls and even tried her hand at acting in "Die Hard With A Vengeance" as a German terrorist...but for me "The Turning" is her finest hour...

...not to make this a Sam-centric blog, but this song ministers to me tonight...to me answers not coming easily isn't just in the waiting but in the receiving...i was advised by a friend tonight to wait...it's enough to know you can hear me now...

...we haven't always had the space to ask questions...sometimes asking the question settles the fear and brings you to brinks but what you do with the answer determines if you fall or fly...i chose flight...

Lover Come Lately-James R Waddell

...this song came about after this thought i have had for years now reared it's ugly head again...the idea that "he" is somewhere being just as sad and lonely and moody as i...the idea that we missed out on beautiful years together...

...this song is my idea of what my soulmate may say to me when we finally meet...

This Dreadful Life-Kay Hanley

...in the early 90's a shiny new band debuted with a cleverly named cd, "Aurora Gory Alice"...Letter To Cleo struck a chord with my friends...and Delena and I made sure we learned every word and applied every song to a different person or part of our lives..."Mellie Was Coming Over" and we just wanted to "Get On With It"...I digress...to us Kay and Letters were "Big Star"s...

..."From Under The Dust" became and has stayed a staple in my musical landscape...a handful of albums later and Letter To Cleo were all but gone from the radar...Kay and Co. contributed a few songs to soundtracks like "10 Things I Hate About You"...Kay was the voice of Josie in the Josie and The Pussycats movie...that project danced close to the edge for me...but Josie was at least in a rock band...

...Kay Hanley released a few solo albums which I personally love...if you are a fan of Letters To Cleo I recommend her solo work...

...tonight i found myself in a youtube loop...stumbled upon some Letters' songs and some live footage of Kay...as I read comments I kept reading blips about Miley Cyrus...since I think she is pretty much the devil I ignored those entries...at first...

...To my horror I have discovered that Kay is touring as a back-up singer for Miley Cyrus...oh how the mightily-talented have fallen...I understand needing to pay the bills...I do not think singing back-up is a bad move or something to be ashamed of...but Miley?

...I am wondering how Kay can feel good about herself...a tried and true songwriter and singer lending her talents to an artist whose bland and hopefully eventually forgettable pop songs have reigned supreme on the charts...squashing the hopes and dreams of legit artists...no one is going to buy Joshua James or Matt Hires cd's when Miley makes banality seem so fun...

...do not get me wrong...I am in no way anti-pop...I love a good hook, a beat you can dance to...but there are swarms of better artists out there, Kay...Pink for instance...at least that woman has something to say...something deeper than "Party In The U.S.A."...oy...

...at the risk of sounding superior or above having a party in the USA I am just a little disappointed...I am choosing to believe that Kay is in financial dire straits and no one...again, no body would give her a job...that little kernel of doubt in the back of my mind be damned...

Call It Love-Poco

...i have settled for it...i am surrounded by those who have settled for it...i have suffered for it...and i can see those who suffer for it looking around for some kind of guiding light...but, when it's all you got...call it love...

...i remember riding in the very back seat of the family van going across the Walt Whitman Bridge heading to church...me in my own world...reading a book...or listening to music on my Walkman...usually i listened to tapes...the cure, Richard Marx, Milli Vanilli, or Amy Grant...it was the 80's after all...but for short trips like going to church i would just listen to the radio...

...i remember the first time hearing Poco's "call it love" i was so young and naive i honestly longed for a time, place, and a person to share an experience with me that we could call love...as the years have gone by, i have learned that ghastly dance...the compromise that should be avoided at all costs, but our hearts make it for us before we can turn it down...

...though i have flirted with it over the last year or so, i have been determined to not give in to it...i deserve to know it is love no matter what we call it...

Bang On The Drum All Day-Todd Rundgren

...i don't want to work...it is cold and wintry outside, and i do not want to leave the house...not sure i have the motivation today...

...i know we all have to work to live...the bible says a man that doesn't work, should not eat...i know that is a bit strict, and not to be taken literally...but in our world it is somewhat true...

...like Bruce Hornsby sang in "the way it is"...just for fun he says, "get a job"...we silently judge homeless people...we vilify the out of work dad for not providing for his family...without ever truly knowing the paths these people have taken to get them where they are today...as they say, but for the grace of god...

...so i am glad to be gainfully employed...especially during these tough economic times...i am glad i have money in the bank and the chance to make more tonight...but that isn't all me...my job doesn't define me...unfortunately....

i say unfortunately, because i would love to be defined by what i do...a legacy...something to leave the world when i leave the world...enter music...

i may not be the best pianist, singer or songwriter...but i do dream that one day i won't have to "work"...i will just bang on the "drum" all day...the opportunity to do what i love the most...make music...and get paid...

...do what i want, and I'm gonna get paid...Tom Waits...i like to say that nobody wants to go to work...but we would all love a career...and that for me is so true...a job is that thing you have to do...a career is doing what you love and getting paid to do it...

...i search the landscape for the signposts...i keep one eye on the prize and one on my daily bread...millions of dreams have come true...why not mine?

Michael Ezra Ichabod/Angie-James R Waddell

...Michael Ezra Ichabod is a song i wrote for my nephews...Angie is a cover of The Rolling Stones song...

...feel free to comment...Angie was a sort of test to see what if any song i should include on my project as a cover...i personally love Angie, but that may just be me...

Blue-Joni Mitchell

...having been raised in a military family...my father is a Vietnam vet...i heard stories of social unrest, dirty hippies spitting in the faces of returning soldiers...the supposed disrespect for traditional values...hours spent reading "Life" magazine and "National Geographic" told the story in series of beautiful photographs...

...the upstate new york farm...the flowers being gently placed in the barrels of guns...the protests...the killings in Ohio...martin luther king jr.'s untimely death...

...i was always somewhat secretly attracted to this counter-culture...the music of that time was a common denominator...reaching across radio waves and vinyl to provide the soundtrack for a splintered but passionate movement...

...even as a kid...i wanted to go to San Fransisco with flowers in my hair...i was California dreaming...and was enamored by the "power of the people"...

...flash-forward to the early 90's...i found myself in a counter-culture of sorts...dropping acid, smoking grass and a sucker for any good cause...although i was misguided at best and spiritually bankrupt i was glad to be part of the "alternative"...

...times have changed...i would not wear clothes bought from a thrift store...long hair just doesn't look good on me anymore, if it ever did...and i will never drop acid again...there have been bigger changes too...it isn't just the hippies that participate in anti-war protests...people in suits and ties lobby for marijuana legalization...and martin luther king jr. would be proud of Obama...

...even though the outer appearance has changed...and there is a new song to be sung...a different war to be opposed to...a democrat in the oval office...i am nostalgic for a by-gone era that i've never seen with these eyes...

...these hippies-past had bravery and dreamed big...they did manage to make a difference...advances in technology, medical marijuana, earth-day, civil rights, and the music...the music i will always admire for it's being...

Sugarcane-Missy Higgins

...as someone who has made their share of mistakes...too many to list...too embarrassed to admit...i can see it in the eyes of the lying co-worker...i can hear it in the voice as the lie crosses the lips...i recognize it in the desperate way a friend back-peddles not wanting to admit a wrong-doing...i see it in their awkward body language...it is an uncomfortable mirror to gaze into...

...they say you can't bull-shit a bull-shitter...you can't con a con-man...with my darkness dangerously close to coming to light...i fully admit that i want to cut down anyone walking the paths i have walked...in both an effort to stop them from having to carry the weight i bear and in a misguided attempt to stop myself from making the same mistake again...

...knowing the signs to look for in someone else has kept me accountable...or i should say "is keeping me accountable"...i am in no way perfect...i am tempted by the bright lights daily...every time i don't bust into my savings account and buy that new steve madden tennis shoe or the latest burberry cologne, all the time knowing i could buy it if i wanted to...i think the thing i am saving for is worth for-going a pair of shoes or bottle of cologne...

...part of it is maturity...not to say that i have arrived, but i am not where i was before...is there any way of looking out for your fellow man, or attempting to stop your sister when he/she is heading right for danger without becoming the enemy?...i have certainly resented friends of mine for calling me on my shit...so i expect the scoffs when i do speak up...and "coming from a place of experience" doesn't guarantee you audience...

...had to confront two people today...one told a bold face lie...the other stretched the truth to gain from me...two sins i have committed and have paid dearly for...i guess i was more or less crying out to my past in the form of my present company...i may have over-stepped a boundary or two...but i took those steps because i saw myself reflected back at me...and i knew the path they were/are headed for...i am no missionary man...no saint...but i have learned more from sinners than saints and missionary men, i suppose it could be my lot to pass along what i have learned...run fast sugarcane...

My Sister-Julianna Hatfield

...today we celebrated my sister, Autumn's, 27th birthday...there was bbq, boob-shaped cake and many people in the house...i had intended to wake up at noon, but ended up sleeping until 2:30...missing the meal and mayhem...

...i got to enjoy a piece of cake and made it in time to give my gifts...i framed fabric as art...i picked Toile De Jouy and cut out the different scenes and framed the fabric...they turned out great!

...i do not claim to be crafty per se...but for 30 dollars and a little bit of work i was able to create 4 pieces of "art"...

...i have been very tired and cranky this week...it hasn't taken much to push me over the edge...i think it's because i worked on one of my days off last week...my plan for the day is to make like a ducks back...in an attempt to not let the little things bug me...just thinking about work, and i am starting to get bugged...breathe in breathe out...

Ghost Of A Texas Ladies Man-Concrete Blonde

...the following requires suspension of disbelief...much like the t.v. show "Ghost Whisperer"...do not fret this is not a spoiler...you can still plan on watching tonite's episode...

...if i were Jennifer Love Hewit's character i would have long since moved...or maybe that's not who needs to move...if i were her neighbor i would move...these are the thoughts i was having while watching tonite's thrilling episode...now, i am torn...though it is a hopelessly cheesy show, and so predictable... there is little on t.v. on Friday nights and i lead a rather dull life these days...so "Ghost Whisperer" and i have had a series-long thing going...back to the story...thinking about how over-run with ghosts Grandview seems to be...stream of conscience going wild...i begin to think that it must be like that everywhere...

...in theory. many of us will admit that we believe in ghosts, aliens, afterlives, reincarnation, etc....so it isn't far-fetched to think that at on any given day we pass by 2 or 3 spirits as we walk from room to room or out to our cars or in the store...so this thought makes me sad...there are millions and millions of people in the world right now suffering...if only a fraction of their souls linger on suffering...that's still alot of suffering...so now i am lamenting the suffering of the souls lingering on earth as well as the suffering of my fellow man...

...it's almost not worth it too care. this train of thought derails...it's a t.v. show i remind myself...so i chose to imagine the ghost of a Texas ladies man...and if there was a soul around me suffering i hope they have the chance to make peace, but for now i will concern myself with suffering i can see and maybe try and help...leave the ghosts to Jennifer's gifts...happy Friday...

Fighting Spirit-Madonna

...heading to work...needed a little inspiration...hope lady madge inspires you...

Scene From An Italian Restaurant-Billy Joel

...a decade and a half ago...a little place downtown hit it's stride...renowned and loved...a sort of destination...after plays...for a business lunch...for a dessert to impress your friends with...something to cement rsvp'ing "yes" for...a place to get a sack of weed...or a job for a down on their luck pal...i was once such pal...

...after a month of trying to find a job...and by try i mean...thought about it...my interview consisted of two questions..."will you actually work?"...and "will you show up?"...i answered yes and entered into a sort of culinary fraternal organization...

...those who came before me, include...artists and musicians and chefs and druggies and drop-outs and we ran the gamut...i have beautiful memories of men and women who will always be a part of something no one can take away, and since the place is gone we are the only ones who can partake...

...romances, dreams aplenty, heartbreak, fights and laughs...Tamara and Katy surprised me by flashing the ladies, to my shock as i walked into the cooler one day...Laura and i tormented a new manager that Carol hired...she lasted a day...Mike was a cry-sack...Bren...oh Bren...what did you do to your hair?...Delena and i would sing harmonies while baking bread or doing dishes...Sienna was sweet then...and who could forget Carol's son's...they injected passion into every part of their lives...and they learned that from mama...

...i recall Rowdy...when he took money from Carol and hid in the catering closet...Tony was fit to be tied as they broke into the closet...he was our hero...when i think about my day to day work, i remember Lisa standing at the window making pasta...or Amy talking to customers spreading peace, love, dope...

...on the last night the town poured out it's love for our Italian restaurant...it was the end of an era, and a very specific moment in time for "Carol's kids"...we have gone our own way...Sera, Laura and i stayed close to home...someone has to keep the home fires burning...facebook has allowed Tiffany and i to stay connected...she took me to lunch and introduced me to my future/past...Erin flew the coop as did Mike and Bren...Tamara and Katy have come and gone and come and gone again...many of us gathered up in other cities...still others have been long gone and off the radar...

...but i bet we all remember fondly when we remember our Italian restaurant...