Waiting Room-Fugazi

...so many songs i have written deal with defeat, loneliness and the dark demons of our inner lives...i write what i know, mostly...stories i have heard from friends, my own life experiences and the things that inspire me are usually more on the darker side of the colour wheel...

...so after the new year and all the talk about resolutions and fresh starts and the new decade buzz, i was left feeling stuck. i fully had the desire to make changes and stretch my proverbial wings, and that desire hasn't waned...however, there was a Sword of Damocles situation happening in my world...

...as with just about every single change we want to make in our lives we first and foremost have to be able to afford it...emotionally, can we handle this new burden? physically, do we have time, energy and the ability to see it through? financially, we are thwarted at almost every turn with the price tag...and i was emotionally and physically ready to embark on this new path, but i couldn't pay for it...

...as with every other restaurant in the world, January and February are rather slow times...after the holidays people are broke and playing catch-up with their bills and do not have spending cash to blow on non-essentials like eating out and tipping big...so i am indirectly in the same boat...playing catch-up with nothing to add to the pot, because i am barely affording the day-to-day...enter the depression...

...i had over-extended myself with holiday shopping and celebrations, so i was poised for a period of catch-up, but it was far worse than i had thought...not to say that i have caught up, but i did have a little victory yesterday...i don't feel it is necessary to divulge the details and i have a few more bills and such to catch-up on, but the biggest headache has receded and the wall i must climb, now has sturdy stairs...i can see the other side...

...i propose waiting until February first to start "new years resolutions", at least for me...now the the dragon is slayed and some relief has occurred i feel that i can tackle some new challenges without worrying about the day-to-day so much...so from the waiting room i emerge and am fully ready to embrace what lies beyond this threshold...

...so thank you to Fugazi for penning such a great song about the time spent waiting for the shoe to drop...thankfully, i now can move on....