Real Men-Joe Jackson

...last night i received some good news...my little brother and his wife are expecting another baby...i am filled with many mixed feelings...obviously i am foremost pleased...new life is always reason for celebration...i am filled with trepidation regarding my relationship with their current son...i haven't bonded with Jude the way i have bonded with Houston and Oliver, my other nephews...not because i haven't wanted to spend time with Jude, but because i so rarely see Jude, and when i do, it's almost like he doesn't care or recognize me...

...which leads me to a little verbalized fear all my own...as babies my nephews were easy to get along with...funny faces, stuffed animals and picture books could entertain them for hours...as they age...i am saddened...they become interested in sports, balls of any kind, wrestling...basic boy stuff...far removed from me...i worry if i will have any kind of relationship with these little boys...

...obviously they will have more of a bond with my brother Joseph...what will they have in common with me?...so part of me hopes Stanley and Katie have a girl...which leads me to my biggest fear of all regarding the nephews/nieces...what will my brothers and sisters tell their children about me...how will they broach the subject of their gay uncle James...will they repeat cycles that christians have always perpetuated...will they call me a sinner, forever staining these little angels view of me and gay people they meet throughout their lives...will i become more and more of a pariah as they age...a liability...a dirty little secret...

...it may be years before these issues have to be faced...but somewhere in the back of my mind, i am drafting my exit strategy...