The World Spins Madly On-The Weepies

...tonight at the convenience store getting smokes, diet dr. pepper and propositioned to by the clerk...in a weird would you like me to hook you up with my ex...he has no body fat...kind of way...i noticed a boy on line behind me that i recognized...i asked the pimp/clerk if he knew who that was and he answered, "yeah, that's matt"....no bells rang...he said, "he works at some sandwich shop maybe that's how you know him."....no, that's not it...i know i know him...without warning Matt was right behind me and says, "you used to hang out with Ken."...that's it...

...i treated Matt terribly in an attempt to get back at Ken...the pimp said, "you should hear the nicknames i have for James"...Matt said, "i could guess."...knives. ouch...deserved. yes...i was so high back then...and so obsessed with Ken, that i had blinders on...Matt was not the only person i have wronged...in the pursuit of "him"...

...starting the day with visions of "peace tonight" and some happiness...great night at work...made some money...paid my dues...feeling good in this skin...and bam...without warning my past comes to call...i take the punch and roll with it...only i can pull the proverbial rug out from under me...and i have been here before...the lesson is learned and the damage done, maybe Matt and I will take what we have learned about James and avoid the pain next time...

...i do not pretend to have made such an earth shattering dent in anyone, but the way he said, "i could guess." stuck in my craw...while i have been picking up all the pieces and putting this humpty dumpty back together...i still do not have all the pieces...my world spun madly on and i never knew the damage done to someone who barely even made a dent in me...my deepest apologies, Matt...

...tomorrow is another day, and who knows, maybe there'll be another mess to clean up...but i feel better knowing where the messes are...i hate that there are messes i have forgotten...but it's my duty to not make anymore chaos and face each challenge i face with grace, forgiveness, hope for my future...and peace for my past...

Woke up and wished that I was dead With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed I thought of you and where you'd gone and let the world spin madly on Everything that I said I'd do Like make the world brand new And take the time for you I just got lost and slept right through the dawn And the world spins madly on I let the day go by I always say goodbye I watch the stars from my window sill The whole world is moving and I'm standing still Woke up and wished that I was dead With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed The night is here and the day is gone And the world spins madly on I thought of you and where you'd gone And the world spins madly on.