Drop The Pilot-Joan Armatrading

...this has been a month of up's and down's and i am left feeling sideways...i cannot fully articulate why this song and i have bonded so much over the course of the last few days...

...it is almost lecherous in tone...as Alanis Morissette says in "On The Tequila", "...the predator in me is put to shame by the predator in you..." I have used all these arguments and more in my pursuit...but I always left out the tag..."I'm the one you need..."

...i was satisfied to be wanted...needed is a whole other emotion...but it isn't negative per se...i have tried many new things this year...to moderate success...wildly greater than any level of success i had ever imagined would actually be...maybe it is time for some rearranging...

...animal, mineral, physical, spiritual...i'm the one you need...in my pursuits i have painted the picture...i have steered conversations...i have courted and sparked the interests...i have held up a standard to which i know "the pilot" could not live up to and then i became the mahout...instead of the easy rider i proclaimed to be...i became the elephant driver...a rudder...desperate in my attempts to get my way, because being trampled to death or sinking into the black of the sea are not options i care to entertain...i became the one who "needed"...but as i said that isn't such a bad thing...but it is when you are the parasite and the host knows the cure...

...i feel Joan was talking to someone much like me...